Tara 0, Hitchhikers 1

Two jungle expeditions today! The first one was when the grass was very wet so i got soaked and kept sneezing to get the droplets out of my nose. I took on the walk with me the one-who-now-appears-to-be-back-at-home-all-day and the-one-with-the-new-green-noisy-thing which he pushes up and down the lawn and they seemed to think it was funny when i kept doing a very high trot to avoid the worst of the waves of grass. I definitely need a machete or some kind of weapon (perhaps i can get something off the Boss that's big and noisy and goes down well with the foreigners) as there are creatures just waiting for me to come along to hitch a ride! Today i had to be rescued from a big slug which had presumed to come along on my walk, stuck to my leg. In fact, the sticky stuff is still there as the one-who-gave-me-two-biscuits-when-she-went-out said something about bargepoles and wild horses not dragging (they do say some funny things these humans) and wouldn't touch it (or me). Must be more vigilent tomorrow, these slugs are worse then homers.
They do have a bit of a funny idea about what food is in this house. I wait patiently in the kitchen whilst the one-who-always-prepares-the-food was cutting some interesting smelling things up but when she flipped me a piece (i think she was impressed as always by the fact that i can keep my concentration for so long and by the long drools i can make) it wasn't food at all - just something which looked like a crunchy thing i've found, tried and discarded in the flowerbed. Yeuch!

Tara 1, TOWFM's face 0

Well they've finally learned - when i stand by the patio door i want to go out for a wee! Of course, i always make sure i do it just after the one-who-takes-me-for-a-walk-in-the-morning-and-is-not-so-bad-really has locked the doors and drawn the curtains. Actually, i prefer to be in the room-with-all-the-windows on my own, though i do like to lie where i can see them when they are in there - usually at the end of the couch (on the floor, not quite got the knack of sneaking onto the thing during daylight hours) though the tassles on the cover do tickle my ears as i peer out from underneath them. And what does 'very fetching' mean anyway? Just in case its another insult i always give them the evil eye when they say it.
Found something new to pick up when the-one-who-feeds-me finally came home today. Why can't he come in when i'm ready and mithering for him at 14:00 rather than 16:45 - he just shows no consideration and the one-who-has-put-that-lovely-soft-carpet-down-in-the-bathroom keeps saying words like 'give-over' and 'you'll have to wait' - wait is a concept i just don't recognise. Anyway, i'm wandering (well, i am an old lady now and can be excused everything, including the odd doggy-aroma) so back to the point. I grabbed the red, shiny plastic things that humans shove down the back of their feet just before going out and leaving me and rushed up to TOWFM as he bent down to undo his shoes, got my nose right in his eyeball then carried on and knocked him over, all the better to give him a good licking. Never tried that here before and it was such fun i decided i'd not even let him get in the bathroom to wash it all off.
Now on jungle-patrol twice a day - i'll need a machete soon to get across the field to the bridge and it does rather get my tummy wet and tickly. How the black and white frisky things can eat it i don't know. Actually, i seem to have put paid to them as they are no longer in my field and it's just the big-stately-old-ladies-with-the-pink-things-dangling-beneath who are in my field now. Maybe as i'm sometimes a stately old lady i could get some more paint on my coat, grab a rubber glove and just mingle........

Tara 65, Heffers 0

The cheek of it - someone (i bet it's that muppety-thing) is adding to my blog! At least they dont have to deal with the black and white frisky things on my walk .......actually i dont have to deal with them anymore when i come to think about it (dogs can have senior moments too you know) as i took the one-who-has-been-smearing-in-the-bathroom-again along with me on my walk yesterday and he sorted them out (i was right behind him giving moral support).
I'm sure this lot here have gone deaf as i've just told them in no uncetain terms (ie using my full repertoir of barks, economy barks, whines, witters, grumbles and rumbles) that i didn't find the 'tarah' comments very funny at all but they are ignoring me (and the stupid things seem to think i want to go out for a wee and its cold out there and the grass is wet on my tummy.....).
I need to do a bit more training of the one-who-feeds-me as this morning he made me go out for a wee before my breakfast - you just can't get the staff these days. I know, i'll get my own back on him tomorrow morning by waking him up before his alarm goes off....
Apparently i'm going home to mum tomorrow - not sure where the boss will be but i'm looking forward to the carpet in the passat. I do hope that 'tarah' won't be tempted to make any comments whilst i'm away or i'll have to go and sort it out again.....and see if there is any lemon cake too whilst i'm there......

Tara 0, Heffers 65 at the last count

What a day! First of all the one-who-feeds-me cleared off (after my breakfast, thank goodness), then the one-who-chauffeurs-me cleared off leaving me with the Bearded-One-who-i-ignore for the day! Is it something i've done? (comment from the one-who-feeds-her; yes Tara, it's those awful smells and accompanying noises you have been making all evening!). Every time the door opened i tried a different 'dance' - the crocodile dance, the bone dance, the what's-on-the grass-under-the-birdtable dance and the mistake-the-collared-dove-for-a-cat dance......and still the one-who-feeds-me hadn't come home. But eventually he did and off we went for a walk....quelle horreur! (well, Labrador is french-speaking, after all)....black and white frisky things in my field! I tried the tactic of running towards them but the one-who-was-out-all-day-but-also-feeds-me stopped me and put me on the lead, but then the black and white frisky things decided to come towards me and i didn't like that (i was a bit frykulled) so i did my hyena impression and growled and barked but that didn't seem to work so i decided i'd go into reverse and not go any further (even for a swim!). The one-who-had-to-rescue-me wasn't amused...but i got my own back by adding to the greenhouse gasses this evening (having salvaged something from the situation by hoovering up some tasty green sloppy stuff on the way back across the field..yummeeeeeeeee!).
Never mind, the salami, bread and apple for tea (it pays to be vigilent!) was delicious so i think i'll stay here for a bit and see if i can do to the black and white frisky things what i did to the homer last week......

Tara 1, Clean car 0

Well, here i am again, back with the ones-with-the-swimming-pool and the clean car (never mind, managed to drop a few dog hairs in the boot as a special gift). Usual routine after Mum dropped me off (obviously not swapped the Boss for a passat as he was still there). That passat-thing is actually really a volvo in disguise but the boot's got carpet in so it's more like the volvo i come home in with the one-who-feeds-me. Not bad at all really.
Realised that we were going somewhere familiar (i'm a dab hand at recognising the pattern of speed and gear changes and the whiff of cowpoo from the farm gives the location away) so slipped effortlessly into my usual holiday-homecoming (i'm sooooooooooo well rehearsed, i should be on the stage - move over Chuffer Dandridge!) - out, stretch, shake, quick wee on the exact same spot on the front lawn, in through the door, pretend i've been there all the while and they have just come in (no slipper-dance this evening, i don't like to be toooooooooooo predictable) drink of water, drip all over the one-who-wipes-it-up-again then a furtive tour of the waste-paper bins to see what's interesting. Not been out yet, but have mithered to have a look in the conservatory as you never know what you might see in there (hopefully not a homer).
Actually i'm quite tired after my weekend away with those ever-so-nice-people-with-the caravan (and Mum and the Boss, of course - it does them such a lot of good to get out and i do like to see them having fun).
Sleepy time now - i've heard rumours that the one-who-doesn't-like-to-go-in-the-bath-too-often is being cleaned so i'd better go and see what involvement i can have to get in the way - failing that i'll wait until he's been behind a closed door for two minutes then bark to interrupt things and get let in.

Tara 0 Rottweiler 0 (play abandoned)

Back at the holiday home - not really sure what's going on but i was transported in style in the newvolvo to the place where the-ones-who-have-a-swimming-pool pick me up. Mum says that i've got to get used to something called a passat (is that a sort of cat? or can i eat it? is that what she's swapping the Boss for?) in future. Anyway got a bit confused (not that i'd admit it at the time) when i got to the holiday home and went looking for the-one-who-feeds-me (found the one-with-a-beard-who-doesn't-feed-me, but not interetsed in him) and then remembered that he'd been in the volvo with me all the time, but if found a slipper to greet him with anyway.
I've got this alarm thing really off to a fine art now - 05:55 is the time i think the one-who-needs-to-feed-me-more-and-more-often should get up so went into his room (or rather, my room that i allow him to use), did a couple of sharp barks then a few economy barks until he got up (or rather down from that platform thing he sleeps on - i just can't reach up there to give him a leg-lick to wake him up).
About half way through this morning i was pestering as they hadn't taken me for a walk (what's the point in getting them up bright and early if they don't get their act together to take me out!) but they kept saying wait till Homer gets here - well at that point i didn't know what a homer was so i just kept pestering. (repeated stretching didn't work, nor did giving them the evil eye, nor did sitting by the front door and looking pointedly at the coat rack). A huge four-by-four-pickup-truck-thing pulled onto the drive and a rather nice lady got out of the cab - what i didn't notice at first when i went out to greet her was the THING in the pick up looking down at me. Really didn't know what it was but it was HUGE and came bounding towards me not wagging its tail (i found out later that it didn't have one) so i thought it best to get as close to the ground as possible just in case it hadn't had its breakfast. When we went for a walk i thought it best to concentrate my stick and totally ignore the homer till i realised that it was scared of water (homers obviously can't swim. Haha- a flaw!) and didn't really like sticks either. But it did have its good points - it wanted to be friendly, it found my squeeky toy very exciting and best of all (i'm quite envious of this) when it sat down it could see over the top of the table....maybe i could grow into a homer. I didn't get a chance for a sleep till this afternoon.
Just too much excitement for one day - hope there are no more homers coming tomorrow.

Tara 1, Dog-sitters 0 (early kick off)

Ooh i feel much better today! Woke up bright and early and decided that the rest of them needed to wake up bright and early too - well, really just the one-who-feeds-me but it's always good to see them all at once. Strange really, the one-who-feeds-me went back to that platform thing he sleeps in (why he can't have a quilt on the floor like me i don't know - much easier to scrorp when needed) so i went back downstairs to lie in the living room and found the doors closed - well, couldn't have that so i propped myself up against the door and barked until the one-who-threatened-never-to-feed-me-again came down and let me in.
Good walk and a swim then my usual kip when they went out in that yellow thing - i even carved my initials in the drive "TP" just to impress them (and they were very impressed). Out in the garden again all afternoon playing with sticks and tennis-balls (still not worked out how to get two in my mouth at the same time - every time i open my mouth to pick another up the first drops out and the ones-who-laugh-at-me-quite-often laugh again. Had a really good roll on the grass playing with my new ball (a world cup special black and white football) but felt a it embarrassed when i realised they were watching me so i sat up and gave them the evil-eye for about ten minutes. Got a bit fed up later on so stood by the conservatory door and barked (what doesn't 'monotonously' mean, anyway?) until they let me in, then got bored again so stood inside and barked until they let me out. The one-who-feeds-me (well he didn't today, too busy demolishing the hedge, and in the gap he made i spied some rather tasty-looking bird food on next door's lawn) has very kindly made a huge pile of sticks and twigs bigger than he is so i've had great fun rootling around for a new stick (though it still not my favourite, that's the one which makes me look like a walrus with one tusk).
They tell me i'm going home tomorrow - hope the lemon-cake-and-muppet-people arrive before i go. See you next week.

Tara 1, Lemon cake 0 (because i ate it all!)

I was bit poorly again yesterday so too sick to blog - I'm better now but the one-who-feeds-me has now become the one-who-clears-up-the-sick, but at least there's still no sign of the dreaded sock. Went on my usual walk this morning - I do wish the humans would keep up with me as i keep having to check that they aren't getting up to mischief behind me (you never know what they will pick up and eat or when they fancy a quick dip in the brook). Funny thought occurred to me today - why don't they come in for a swim with me? I do my best to tempt them in by making sure i drop my stick in the shallow water then shake just as they bend over to pick it up, but no takers as yet. I even tried to coax them in, in the garden this afternoon, swimming round in circles but all i got was some very loud shouts and arm waving.
For the rest of the day i spent most of it sitting on the patio - nice and sunny and also lovely and dusty to spreda around inside - and amused the one-who-feeds-me by blowing an extra big bubble out of the side of my mouth (didn't know I had that skill - must put it on my CV) which made them all (even the one-who-lies-on-the-floor-with-his-head-under-the bath - he won't find scraps in there as i've checked already) flop about and make very odd spluttery noises (easily amused).
They tell me that the grey-ones-who-made-a-big-fuss-of-me-when-we-visited are coming on Friday (what's Friday?). I seem to remember having super fun there - there was a 'muppet' (looked very much like a cat to me) behind a door (can't resist nudging open shut doors) so i did a couple of economy barks then backed off just in case it was a cat. And the grey-one-who-controls-the-food very kindly left a whole lemon cake on a shelf just below head head so to do her a favour i ate it up a quick as i could. I wonder if she's bringing the muppet and the cake on Friday?

Tara 1, Carpet 0

Back at my holiday home again (at least they know about bridges here). Felt a bit under the weather this morning and gave the one-who-feeds-me and the one-who-hasn't-yet-tried-to-put-a-sock-on-me the evil eye when they tried to get me out of my nice comfy bed in the back of the volvo with the white sticker in the window (is the one-who-made-the-hall-carpet-turn-hard-and-slippy for sale?) - so I totally ignored them on the way back then (just to fool them) gave them my 'oh, you've come home, goody-goody' greeting when we got in the house........think they fell for it (as usual). Caused a bit of a stir, especially for the one-who's-not-smearing-but now-has-his-head-under-the-sink (is he looking for scaps to eat too?), by being sick on the carpet then sick again outside but I feel much better now, especailly after a bit of grazing on the field during my walk (did feel a bit of a fool when they told me I'd got an extra long piece of grass sticking out of my mouth for most of the walk).
The one-who doesn't-feed-me-as-much-food-as-I'd-like is really useless at the art of stick throwing somtimes - that's the second time at my swimming hole they've thrown my stick (oooooooo, my favourite stick! sooooo good to see it again!) and it's gone over the other side of the stream and onto the bank - but I'm not stupid (after all, I'm a labradog not a poodle) and I remebered where I could climb out - even did a bit of a big splash when I got back in just to see the delight on their little faces.
Wonder what entertainments tomorrow will bring? Bigger meals? more meals? plenty of scraps? swimming? bridges across the river?