And now i'm 90.......

...well not me exactly, but the taradogblog is! So can i have a celebration and dig up the grass (you did that earlier on tonight Tara there was so much scrawping going on - interim blogassistant)

Defector! or is that defective.......

So, where is he? I’ve been here since very early this morning (when I finally got Private Sector up and going) and he wasn’t here (I checked he wasn’t still in bed but as that was folded up he’d be hard-pushed to hide in there for very long). Now it’s going dark and he’s still not here so all that wandering about aimlessly all day has done no good at all. I’m staking out his bedroom but so far no luck. Even jettisoning a bit of mid-morning snack didn’t help though I did get some sympathy from the GM. He’s not gone to indiot without me has he? Oh, they’ve just told me he’s at the house with the cake and the SBD doing some painting. I’m outraged to hear the SBD has got itself nicely ensconced in TOWFM’s suitcase and can’t be shifted……I’m not even allowed on the bed and have to fight to get even a teency-weency bit of couch when that italianblokeonaboat is on the Thing they watch. Do you know I wasn’t allowed to go fimming last week as punishment for scratching the scabbybit on my face and blodginging a bit of blood on TOWFM’s new carpet. TOWFM said it was to prevent me being trumpeted again but I know it was punishment. So I sulked for the rest of the day.It's obviously much less dangerous down here now as Private Sector didn’t need his camouflage to get me here safely. I hear Mum and Private Sector are having a pearl this week so we’ve done a bit of celebrating – why they had to dig up the garden to do so I’ve no idea and I had to wait till the holiday home to find a bit of grass to do a big p**h on (embarrassed Private Sector nicely though). What is a pearl anyway – can you eat it? They’ve bought me a very nice new piece of kit to do my blog on – but I’ve not been allowed a look in yet. Bet none of the other dojs and other unalleviated canines round here have such a staytovtheart ultra-paw-table (love to get my paws on the table). Oh….more reason to sulk – they’ve just told me it’s not mine at all, I still have to use the old black noisy thing (sounds like you Tara, interim blogassistant). Come back TOWFM, all is forgiven......
Tonight I've been M'd but am resisting being extinguished as it's raining very hard so i've switched to iron-bladder mode for the night....and anyway i've been in and out so much in the rain and after the rain that i've used up my supply of towels. Now where was that TOWFM-nappy i used to play with.....

Bears and backstroke

That damn puppy is never where it should be for the morning routine ejecting TOWFM from his bed and nor is the lady bird. Just look – this morning I had to wrestle with a BEAR (but this one wasn’t actually, it had a yellow jumper on)….well it was either that or the pile of magazines so I settled for the bear until TOWFM said very loudly to put sell-a-steam down (no Tara, it’s called Celestine). Anyway, I’m NOT taking the blame for the fact that it needs some cardio-thoracic surgery – there was a rip there BEFORE I picked it up.
I’m finding doj-walks a bit trying at the moment as I have to walk in straight lines in the field on the other side of the brook. The blackandwhitemooeypooeythings have gone (but are still in the field next door and need a good stegging to get them put of the way) and it’s now rows upon rows of something or other which I occasionally disarray (damned spellchecker never comes up with the white road) into and get lost. Then, the only stick at the fimming hole was so big I nearly had to do backstroke to turn with it and then was so low in the water I needed a bilge pump to get afloat again. Still good fun though dropping the stick at the edge of the brook just out of TOWFM’s reach.
Had to do extra noisy squeaky-ball-and-plashtic-bottle-crunkling for my post M playtime this week as They just don’t realise that it’s ME who should be the centre of attention at that time of day not that black-thing-on-a-wobbly-trolley. I don’t get that kind of treatment form the old-people-i-grant-an-audience-to-on-fridays.
Rumour has it TOWFM's indiot-expodishun-fun-draisingdisco need a doj so i'm signing up (that's a DJ not a doj, Tara - blogassistant #2) so i can do my 'i'm too lazy for my punj, for my punj' (with apologies to Right Said Fred - blogassistant #2)...........

LabraBins & Punjal Imaging

Obviously gordon’s been listening to me and promoting the new LabraBin©. The no mess (or is that ‘low residue’ as its says on my chicken’n’brownrice skip) way to reduce the yookay’s rising food prices (actually I never see them go higher than the floor with the bedrooms on it) - the NEW IMPROVED LabraBin©. Black, with the stylish moondust-metallic (that’s grey, isn’t it – blogassistant #2) accents which distinguish it from inferior products (such as the one’s with the lids that are impossible to open – believe me, I’ve tried!), the NEW IMPROVED LabraBin© is a veritable Tardis of the food-bin world. With special features such as voice-activated automatic emptying (‘owchoogo’), the unique StumpyLeg© mobility system keeps the top of the bin as far below the ozone layer as possible whilst maximising the potential for a new improved LabraBin© in every room of the house without having to pay for more than one (for goodness sake Tara, stop following me around – blogassistant#1). Available now only by male-order from Pedder Products, POO Box 12, Backofanaudi, Yookay (can be sent flat-packed for self assembly).
Since I appear to be going a bit def (i’m blaming it on the gunk and the fact that I never get enough to eat) I’ve been honing my punjal-imagaing capabilities, and can seek out the smallest bit of food, potential food, food that turns out not to be food after all, even in the darkest of places (eat your heart out police helicopters!) and it’s quite effective you know.
Yippee! Off home today – wonder if i’ll get a ride in the newaudi and a chance to get some doghair into some of those new gadgets……..

Celestine 1, Ladybird 1

Three weeks down and just one to go before normal life is resumed. Not that it’s been bad here, in fact there’s quite a lot going on. The most interesting development is TOWFM coming down to ground level – now I can spot him in his pit from the doorway without have to crane my neck and so I’m much better at getting him up in the morning. I find a short sharp high-pitched bark about four inches form his ear works wonders if the usual hints don’t work. In fact the-one-who-leads-the ear-degunking was heard to say that TOWFM now gets up early so I must be doing something right.
All the sorting that’s been going on now there’s a lovely soft carpet in TOWFM’s room has unearthed some very acceptable puppy-substitutes for me to meet-and-greet with (until He takes them off me) – there was a very big brown teddy bear called Celestine which I managed to get my mouth on but that got taken off me and put back in TOWFM’s bed very quickly (oops! have I said something i shouldn’t have?) and them a ladybird which wasn’t so good as the legs kept tickling me.
Had a visit from the helen yesterday as the holiday home owners had gone off and left me so the helen came to let me out for a wee (didn’t do one, of course). Pity she didn’t bring any barbeques stuff with her this time so I had to make do with a couple of bikkers (that ‘I’m an abandoned dog’ look always works). And today TOWFM made me go for a walk when it was raining – how mean can you get……..