Tara 0, Dalmations 1 too many

Not sure i want to come here again - had the most traumatic experience yesterday! Just crossing the road outside the pub with TOWFM when there IT was....a Damnation! Flashbacks came into my head immediately - i remember these white Things with black spots, one attacked me when i was likkle. Well of course i wasn't going anywhere near this one - i'm not stupid, you know. Give me a homer or a pendle anytime (or a bikker actually). So i stayed put, TOWFM carried on, not really being sensitive to the threat in the situation and there we were, in the middle of the road, me digging in and trying to go into reverse (i can do reverse when the situation is desperate, contrary to popular opinion) TOWFM with his arm nearly dislocated from its socket as he realised i wasn't going forwards and the Damnation leaping up and down on the pavement opposite. I used the Collar-Eject option (all red collars have them, you know) so so got myself out of danger with TOWFM following in hot pursuit. What a narrow escape! Anyway I've been on Damnation-patrol in the garden ever since, making sure i have a good bark at the big black and white things just in case they turn out to be Damnations too.
And of that wasn't too much excitement for the week, i've been valeted too! They kept mentioning something about a chap called Dan Druff being there at the valeting too but i didn't see him. Mind you, i was treating them to my crinkly-ears-smile-and-look-daft face at the time so maybe i just didn't notice him. Part two of the valeting was my leaning-tower-of pisa-trick; i find it always helps to get a good lean onto the hand of anyone who is valeting my ear, and the odd grunting noise during the process helps keep them calm and attentive too. Usually also gets me an extra bikker.

Tara 0, Full service history 1

Well, i'm really confused now. It seems to be that i'm here at the weekend again and at home during the week so does that mean home's home and here's here or that home's here and there's there? Anyway, it's a shame i'm not there as i hear there is plenty of water for fwimming in near there (just my luck - the brook isn't even higher than usual here!).
Actually, i got a bit more confused when the-one-who-gave-me-some-duck-pate collected me this week - Mum seemed to be much later dropping me off (hasn't she got anything better to do these days?) and then there wasn't the usual long wait until TOWFM came home - didn't even get a chance for a spell in the car!
I had my 4,000 day service before Mum dropped me off; they checked my suspension (just need to add a little more squirt if i'm groinjing a bit), made sure the air intakes were working and free from debris, didn't do an emissions test this time (thank goodness - i'd definitely have failed as my cat-a-lick-it converter isn't what is used to be). Anyway, i have my own test-cycle for emissions (usually on the couch when they are ignoring me - usually gets me a bit of attention too). I do wonder though why they keep referring to me as pungent pedder (thought that was the Boss when he's hit the aftershave).

Didn't get a respray either as part of the service - definitely showing a few dints and dings which seem to show up white and developing a nice polly-type pink bit on my lip. I was quite annoyed that Mum didn't put this on the manifest so i took things into my own paws and managed to get a bit of coverage from the wet paint on the wall - it's green, but at least that merges in better than white and i can always get some grecian 2000. Got a couple of good decals too - saw them in What Stick(er) magazine and persuaded TOWFM to apply them decorativey to my head; actually, they did say granny smith on them but i'm sure that's some kind of high profile swanky greyhound racing team. And actually i idin't ask TOWFM to stick them on but i've got him well-trained.

Well i'm all blogged out now so think i'll flake out on the rug for a change.........

Tara 1, Sleeping places 2

Well i don't know if i'm coming or going at the moment - i went home in the middle of the week aftre more then a week here (and they didn't publish the blog i dictated before i went) then I came back at the usual time & place but have been here for the weekend too. So i think i'm here for the duration but i'm not sure (what is a duration anyway?).
I'm making myself very popular at the moment - at least they are all paying me a lot of attention - i'm still a bit wet after my morning dip and they keep coming up to me, telling me to come on and moving me on from the nice soft carpet where i'm sitting. I keep going with them but haven't worked out why yet, especially as the nice damp patches i created get cold and clammy by the time i get back to them.
I've got a rather swanky new toy - it's a squeaky shoe but what a shoe! It's more of a loafer really and realistic that the-one-who-is-still-sticking-things-to-the-wall tried to put it on the other day to go outside. Needless to say i put him straight. I'm desparate to take it on my walks but TOWFM won't let me as he said soething about not being cool if he got spotted in the village by his mates - i think the time i took my shark (where is my shark anyway?) was too much for him.
I've relocated by the way. I sussed out a way of sleeping in TOWFM's bedroom and getting my nightime bikker. It's simple really - these humanjs are so easy to fool, not like us dojes - i settle down on my bed whilst they are all still up (bit annoying that i still get thrown out to doawee, wherever that is), get a bikker as they go upstairs then follow immediately whilst TOWFM is still plugged into his msninternet (whatever one of those is - but the-ones-who-dont-feed-me are alsways telling him to get off it). Next stage is to lurk in the shadows behind the table near his wardrobe, lie low until the lights go out...and bob's your uncle (what's an uncle and more to the point, what's a bob).
I smell food and the tara-bleeper-on-the-cooker has just sounded so time for me to take up position in the doorway to the kitchen and watch out for flying feet as they step over me. Mmmmmmmm smells like chicken (hope there's no brown rice)......

Tara 0, SBD 1

This is a pendle. I met one for the first time yesterday - they tried to tell me it was a bull something-or-other but those are usually black and white. This one came to visit the House with the Cake yesterday and brought an unclerichard with it - not sure what one of those was but it was very friendly and made such a big fuss of me. The pendle and i took the humanjs for their daily exercise - i think the unclerichard misbehaves as the pendle has to keep him on a long lead in case he runs off. I've got TOWFM and the-one-who-lifted-me-down-from-the-car much better trained - i only needed to have them on the lead round the nasty corner in case they wandered into the road when a car was coming. Not been down this lane for a walk before (yes you have Tara, the last time you needed the exercise after stealing a whole cake! - Blogassistant #2) and there were some really good plashy bits (which the pendle enjoyed too) and i found a particluarly tasty-looking chicken's foot on the road but wasn't quick enough before TOWLMDFTC got to me. Mind you, they weren't quick enough to stop me hoovering up the cat food when i arrived!

The muppety thing was definitely not there but I saw the SBD (and it is actually now a Bit-Bigger-Black-Dog) - no way was that a cat as the-one-who-kindly-leaves-the-lid-off-the-cake-tin kept calling it. After all, if it had been a cat i would have had no difficulty in pushing past it when it stood in the doorway stopping me getting in (you're a coward Tara, it wasn't even hissing at you). Anyway i decided that i liked the pendle much better so ignored the BBBD for the rest of the visit.

They've been promising me some cold turkey for the past couple of days but i'm still waiting - and i don't appear to be getting the squirty stuff on my tea anymore but apparently i still have a lot of pep (is that some new kind of food?) in me. I'll have to have a word with Mum and the Boss when I see them - i either want the cold turkey they've been promising or the squirty stuff back. I wonder when Mum and the Boss are coming back? I'm all ready for them - my coat's all untidy from the frequent swimming sessions, the-one-who-shovels-stuff-off-the-front-lawn says i'm looking a bit rough, my ear is playing up again so i need to go back and get valeted.....