Doj's Detox Diet

Like all celebrities seem to do, i'm going to share the secrets of my health and fitness regime (but no DVD to accompany it as it would be very boring as i'm on the couch asleep when DVDs are on). Today's diet was:
Very early - 1 scoop chicken and brown rice best eaten as fast as possible in case you miss other people's breakfasts
Arrival at the holiday home - splash of milk, a markie and then some cinnamon-graham-flavour milk
Mid morning power snack - cat poo
Lunch - crumbs off the bread board, a crust and a couple of hoola hoops
Mid afternoon snack - anything which is vaguely edible on the kitchen floor
Tea - twoscoops of c &br, a small scoop and a side order of squirt
Early evening snack - a piece of napoli salami, a few grains of rice, some grated gruyere & some flapjack crumbs
Later evening snack - M
I thought i was also going to get some more chicken a few minutes ago but then i realised (i knew all along really) they were asking me to bring my Tick in from the garden.
And my fitness advice is to move as slowly as possible, bark a lot, walk very, very slowly when out on a W and fim as much as possible, but only in circles.
So you too could be as fit and healthy as me if you follow what i do.