Another day in the life of.......

and believe me, the fact that there is another day is very important when you get to my age. Or when you get to the age Mum thinks I am (i'm going to add an extra 7.6923% to her age when anyone next asks me). Guess what, it's monday

Very, very, early - get woken up and loaded into theaudi with all the rest of the tut Pte Sector seems to cart about with him. He's even taken to loading in plants now. Why he can't just make do with a red crate, bikkers, squirt, earsquirt, towels (when the holiday hoe people aren't hoarding them, that is) and a duvet, i don't know.

Very early - get transferred into thulupo (they get it out of Pod 4 you know, Mr Tracey) and settle down for a bit of kip

Early - in fact it's so early TOWFM and TOWTVETOHAY haven't gone yet so i have to delay my usual routine to do a bit of meeting and greeting

Normal time - go on patrol, following the usual circuit, rummage around in the long grass near the brook, eat a bit of catpoo, come round the side of the house to check on the bird food and bark to come in at the front door (just to keep the GM on his toes)

Working day - sleep

T minus 1 - go on permalert for TOWFM coming home, but YET AGAIN he goes straight out in acleo with a hat on the roof. If the L stands for lert then i really deserve one as i seem to spend the whole bloody afternoon being alert.

T minus 1 - go on permalert for TOWFM coming home

T minus 24 - two scoops, a little scoop and a bit of squirt (yummy, my favourite)

T - minus 23hrs 59 mins - burp and go upstairs to sit on the warm pipes & sleep

T minus 23 - i remember that M comes before T

M minus 3 - TOWTVETOHAY comes home and sneaks up on me. Come downstairs, stopping twice for a scroach and to arrange my ears in a fancy crunkly pattern

M minus 1 min - actually, don't i usually have Breakfast in the morning as well?

B minus 10 - M arrives, drink it, get stinguished, have another burp, sit on my rug and moan a bit, fart, walk clockwise round the table to get into the launch position for the couch, wait until begged to get on the couch, fart, leap on and settle down for some sleep, fart again

B minus too long - where is my breakfast anyway......