Tara's Top Tips for a Dog-tastic Dotage

Apparently i'm in my dotage - i thought i was in my bed actually but if it's now called a dotage that's fine by me as long as my extra-snuggly-quilt is in there along with the bikker and markie crumbs which i hoover up at the end of the day.

TIP 1 - conserve your energy. Why bother to go upstairs (i don't anymore) when standing at the bottom and barking slowly but monotonously always brings them down in the end. This is especially effective when the GM is decorating (nice 'petticoat' paint on my tail now).

TIP 2 - weight-bearing exercise is good for the bones. Do about twenty press-ups a day, getting your back firmly against the radiator, feet wedged in the front of the the dotage and aim to move the dotage across the hall towards the wine cellar door before the evening rush hour starts. If you can get the snuggly-quilt to cover any remaining gaps, all the better.

TIP 3 - ignore the teenagers who come in late at night passed but make sure you take the opportunity to get a bikker without the associated stinguish even when you've just had one from the GM and the-one-with-only-a-grey-volvo-this-week.

TIP 4 - make sure you're in control of the ambient aroma. Cabbage is always a good one to drop at any time of day or night.

TIP 5 - always look accusingly at someone else if there is a cabbage smell about. And if possible get up and move away.

TIP 6 - when it's cold outside, don't bother rolling around on the grass snortling, do it on the couch instead. Then make sure you sit up and stare accusungly at anyone who is sitting on the other couch.

TIP 7 - don't sleep in a room with Corey. He snores worse than i do.

Oh - need to get ready to look pathetically at TOWFM as he's off on another night out at the pub and not taking me.........